Surviving Conversion Therapy – A Gay Man’s Guide to Healing

Conversion therapy, also known as reparative therapy, is a deeply harmful and discredited practice that claims to “cure” individuals of same-sex attraction. It often masquerades under the guise of therapeutic intervention, but its roots lie in outdated beliefs, religious dogma, and societal fear of LGBTQ+ identities. Sadly, despite widespread condemnation from the psychological and medical communities, conversion therapy still exists in many parts of the world, particularly within highly conservative or religious environments.

If you’re reading this, it likely means you’ve survived something profoundly painful. You may still be wrestling with the emotional fallout, or perhaps you’re just beginning to untangle the web of trauma that conversion therapy left behind. Either way, please know this: you are not alone, and healing is possible. As a therapist who works specifically with gay men, I want to offer you a roadmap—five essential steps you can take to begin healing and reclaiming your life.

1. Conversion Therapy Isn’t Therapy

Let’s start with this foundational truth: conversion therapy is not legitimate therapy. It is a form of psychological abuse. The vast majority of reputable mental health organizations—including the American Psychological Association, the World Health Organization, and countless others—have condemned the practice.

True therapy is grounded in compassion, consent, and the desire to support your wellbeing. Conversion therapy does the opposite. It begins with the premise that there is something inherently wrong with you—specifically, your sexual orientation—and sets out to “fix” you. But your sexuality is not a flaw. It is not a disease. And it does not need fixing.

Research shows that attempts to change sexual orientation not only fail but often result in devastating mental health consequences. Survivors report increased rates of depression, anxiety, PTSD, substance abuse, and suicidal thoughts. So if you’ve felt broken, if you’ve been told you are “less than,” let me say it again: you are not the problem—conversion therapy is.

2. Unpack the Shame

One of the most insidious impacts of conversion therapy is the shame it instills. The process is designed to make you feel wrong at your very core. Whether through overt condemnation or more subtle manipulation, conversion therapy feeds you a consistent message: your sexuality is shameful, sinful, or deviant.

This kind of messaging doesn’t just disappear once the sessions stop. It burrows deep, shaping your self-image, influencing your relationships, and making it hard to trust yourself. Many gay men struggle with internalized homophobia, but for those who’ve undergone conversion therapy, that struggle can be especially intense.

Healing begins by bringing that shame into the light. With the help of a supportive, LGBTQ+ affirming therapist, you can start to examine the beliefs you’ve internalized—and begin to let them go. You may need to grieve the years you spent believing something was wrong with you. That grief is valid. And necessary. But you are not broken. You are not shameful. You are worthy of love, respect, and joy—exactly as you are.

3. Craft Your Own Beliefs

Conversion therapy works by implanting someone else’s beliefs into your mind. These beliefs are often religious in nature, handed down by authority figures you may have trusted—parents, pastors, teachers. And when you hear the same thing over and over, especially from people you care about, it’s incredibly difficult not to believe it.

Now that you're on the other side, it’s time to take back the pen. This is your story, and you get to write it. What do youbelieve? What values matter to you? Do you want to reclaim your spirituality in a way that affirms your identity? Or do you want to create a new framework for understanding the world that isn’t rooted in shame?

Therapy, when done right, isn’t about giving you answers—it’s about helping you find your own. This step is about reclaiming your voice and building a belief system that reflects your truth, not someone else's fear.

4. Find Affirming Spaces

Isolation is another lasting wound many survivors carry. Conversion therapy often encourages disconnection—from LGBTQ+ communities, from affirming spaces, and even from supportive friends or family. To heal, you need to reconnect.

Seek out communities that not only accept you, but celebrate you. That might be a local LGBTQ+ support group, an affirming church, an online community, or a group of friends who love you unconditionally. Affirming spaces are more than just feel-good environments—they’re essential for your mental health. Research consistently shows that LGBTQ+ individuals who have access to supportive communities have better mental health outcomes and a stronger sense of self-worth.

Yes, it might feel uncomfortable at first. You may even feel like an outsider or like you don’t belong. That’s okay. Go at your own pace. But keep showing up. Over time, you’ll start to feel what it means to be accepted just as you are—and that’s where real healing begins.

5. Consider Forgiveness (Optional)

This one is deeply personal. Some survivors find peace in forgiving those who hurt them—parents who didn’t know better, religious leaders who acted out of fear, or even themselves for going along with it. But forgiveness is not a requirement for healing.

You are under no obligation to forgive anyone who caused you pain. What matters most is your peace of mind. If holding onto anger helps you feel safe or grounded, that’s valid. If, on the other hand, forgiveness feels like a release—a way to lighten your emotional load—it might be worth exploring.

If you do decide to forgive, do it for you, not for them. Forgiveness isn’t about saying what happened was okay. It’s about freeing yourself from the grip of resentment so you can move forward.

Healing from Gay Conversion Therapy

Surviving conversion therapy is no small feat. It takes strength to endure that kind of trauma—and even more strength to face it head-on and choose healing. If no one has told you this before, let me be the first: you are courageous, you are worthy, and you deserve to live a life full of authenticity, love, and joy.

Healing won’t happen overnight. It’s not linear. There will be hard days. But you don’t have to walk this path alone. Whether it’s through therapy, community, or simply learning to trust yourself again, you can move forward. And you will.

To every gay man who has survived conversion therapy: your story matters. Your healing matters. And your future is brighter than you may realize right now.

If you’d like to learn more about my practice, you can book a complementary consultation here. You can also read more about my psychotherapy work for gay men here.